Five Local Action Figures Begging for Mass Circulation

V1 Staff |

For some crazy reason, the "High Five" piece in the print version of Volume One never makes it online. Until today. Here are Eric Rasmussen's "Five local action figures begging for mass circulation" ...

FORLEASE, THE EMPTY RETAIL SPACE TRANSFORMER
Oh no! Unused commercial square footage is an unsettling reminder of the problems with the economy. But watch! Forlease starts as an unused Waterford storefront, but he transforms into a bustling local business, with shelves full of merchandise and a register overflowing with cash! He also transforms into a robot with a “Will build to suit” hammer and a “Wall Street corruption fighter” laser gun.

BARON VON ALGEBRA, DEFENDER OF EDUCATION
The Baron is a champion of learning! Clad in a math teacher sweater vest and armed with his Red Pen of the Ancients, he is ready to do battle with his archenemies, Captain Sleeps-in-Class and the Duke of Budget Deficits (both sold separately). Touch the button on the Baron’s back and listen to his education battle cries, like “SohCahToa!” and “Music is critical to a well-rounded education and should not be cut!”

LITTLE MISS SNOWFLAKE, PRINCESS OF WISCONSIN WINTER ACTIVITIES
Pretending to like winter is critical to staving off crippling depression, and Little Miss is here to help! She comes with a light blue coat and a pair of ice skates, but she has tons of accessories (sold separately) to help beat Grandpa Winter Sourpants! From her Half Moon Polar Plunge Set to her Winter Farmers Market shopping bag to her Rainbow Snowmobile, she can add a little sunshine to the most overcast of winter days!

LARRY THE LIBRARY BUILDER
Guess what? The library expansion hasn’t been going quite as smoothly as planned! Larry can help! Larry comes with a full compliment of building tools and a collection of books, including timeless classics and hot new bestsellers (may contain small parts – not recommend for children under three). Touch Larry’s shoulder to experience his spring-loaded renovation swing action. Touch his other shoulder for his spring-loaded pleading for additional fundraising move!

HIGH-DEF HEROES OF LOCAL TV NEWS
Have you heard? On February 17, 2009, all television signals will switch over to digital. Before the big change, you can collect all of the big names in local television news, cast in ultra HD-style detail! Are you ready to see every strand of Jamie Paige’s hair? How about the tiniest nuance of Chris Herzog’s skin? Now you will be able to stage the most realistic Judy Clark versus Jerry Gallagher battle royale ever!